You Can Sit With Us: Alexis Barad-Cutler, Lindsay Stuart, and Edil Cuepo
Working with fashion magazines for over a decade doesn’t get me startruck easily, mostly because if you work with famous people you can easily tell they’re human beings, just like anyone. But I no longer work in that industry so now I’m happy with a different kind of person: mothers. These days nothing gets me more stars than a cool mother with something to say, who is honest and open about her experience as a mother. What this story teaches is my version of what was backstage at the Oscars.
The three women on its cover have a lot in common: they all have a lot of kids, they’re all New Yorkers, and they’re all motivated to do something to fill a void they’ve seen in their lives.
Alexis Barad-Cutler founded Unsafe For Mom Group, a social platform that designs itself as “a group of moms for the uncontrolled” where you can “ask anything, say everything, and don’t identify ”because he was censored as a parenting writer. Lindsay Stuart, a former makeup artist and host of HSN, opened Glam Expressway, a fun boutique she feels lost in her DUMBO neighborhood. And Edil Cuepo, who, in an effort to get outside proof for his choice to quit his job to give birth to his daughter, started Rockaway Baby, a website and community that honors, celebrates, and showing SAHM’s stories everywhere.
These mothers not only have a lot in common with each other, but they have a lot in common with all of us. They each rely on their communities to support them, their friends to keep their mindset, and their own motherly habits in a way that is good for them.
If You Do It Go
ALEXIS: “About 10 years ago I wrote about motherhood for a lot of different outlets, and I was known for talking about things that others didn’t like. A lot of people thanked me for telling me what they were. thought but did not speak out loud. It was really fun to use some of the more terrifying events of being a new mom, which at the time I did I was alone, as an opportunity to connect with other women and help them feel that way. much better than they have experienced. I wrote a piece about searching for a nanny online, likening it to online dating-the outlet, a super cool website focused on motherhood, took it up after a lot of comments confirming that the story is controversial. I was angry.
I started experimenting with Instagram and I secretly created a page called Not Safe For Mom Group as an extension of the class I was writing about. When I was censored by that outlet I felt like we were all here for you, stuff that mom sold falsely, and I felt like it was especially unfair to young moms to go. I decided to live with my Instagram page – I want it to be a repository for mothers to release things, a place where we won’t be silenced, and where we can say what’s on our minds that we haven’t been told it is controversial. If you’re a mother, you’re just a regular person, and you may have thoughts of not always being a mother and caring. You can be mom and voice and you get angry too. ”
LINDSAY: “I’ve always loved fashion in high school and university (I was chosen to be the most dressed!) But I never claimed to be a fashion expert. I always felt like I knew what women wanted, what they want to look like, and what they want to feel.As a makeup artist I was trained in color theory so it definitely helped, and being on live TV with HSN taught me how to communicate. different people.I always feel that all the stores in DUMBO are too high and inaccessible for me as a mother with four children.As mothers we spend money on activities and extra things for kids, we put it first, and we don’t have to chase the next designer trend thing.So in 2017 I opened my store — we sell a mix of fun, statement pieces.We have a little n ga thing for everyone. ”
EDIL: “My website all started from the embarrassment I felt after deciding to leave my career to stay home with my daughter. The older one to me would have gone back to work with a heartbeat, but at 12 weeks I was completely changed.Every day looks the same as my first year was at home, and I felt lost and worthless no matter how tired I was at night. And since it’s winter time with a newborn I’ve been separated for a long time. Even though I knew in my heart that I should quit my job to raise my daughter, I still longed for outside witnessing.
The same support and recognition of working mothers that I want as a SAHM. I wanted to see the mothers who were in my shoes to tell me my decision was the right one. I don’t find a community that does it the right way so I did it-my website is a space that honors and promotes a mother’s decision to stay home because that decision was a BIG MAKE. We may not always bathe and dress, but we work just as hard as any CEO. ”
Self-Care A Family Care
ALEXIS: “The people in the NSFMG community have really helped my life and my parenting, but the bigger the group the worse my psyche gets, and the harder it is for my family because I feel so overwhelmed. -let’s feel.the pain of people.During Covid I had to take a lot of mental health breaks because it’s just sad sadness, people really suffer.Many situations where mom has a job and cared for the children, and the father was unemployed, and the child was sick, and the mother was a teacher, and they had elderly parents to take care of – almost everyone who writes every day has this kind of life that full of real life challenges.
My three team members have been a lifeline for me, we texted all day. It’s hard to invest to get help and improve my team, but I feel these things in my body and I don’t do that very well. Since they’re all from the community, I know I can trust them-they’re the hardest working and brainy, I feel like I’m very lucky. Our community manager replaces the DMs, he is the one who interacts with our community. I used to live with our DMs, read until 5am sometimes, respond, write to people in crisis, and he is now my frontier. He would send me the answers I needed or flag, but take me out of the wrong places. I have to be strong for the community, I have to lead it. If I’m not strong the community isn’t strong. ”
LINDSAY: “Mothers tend to lose themselves, because we always sacrifice for our children, but you have to remember as you do what’s best for your children another whole person – you have to see your loved ones, date nights, have a well-balanced life.I think balance is the key to motherhood happiness.If you work too hard you are going to feel guilty that you are not there for your children, but if you have your children with you, face it, you will go crazy. ”
EDIL: “As a stay-at-home mom with a husband who works full-time and is in law school, I didn’t have a dedicated day of self-care training, instead it was sprinkled. throughout the week.It comes in small doses, and it’s always done with my kids-it’s listening to The Daily podcast, when the kid is drifting, walking, journaling, lying down at night to watch crimes or reality shows, or going on I get myself involved by helping a friend sell for their business.These moments are even more important to me, how can I tell myself ‘I love you and have seen I love you ‘.
I know that if I can’t take care of myself no one will decide. Also, if I do these things I will say it out loud for my daughter to know-I will say, “I really love this book so I will sit down and read now” or “my body can use lab -as. wind, go walk. ”I want him to know that I also do things for myself, even if it’s not big and obvious. I want her to grow up knowing how to love and take care of herself. ”
Words of wisdom
ALEXIS: “I can’t stress enough how important it is to take advantage of every opportunity to be friends with mom. Go to a playground and start a conversation, or go to a class. Filling your days with things to do gives them some meaning and gives yourself a regular activity. Eternal days without other human companionship are a recipe for disaster, sorrow, and grief. Not all of them need to be your best friends, you need people to get along with. ”
LINDSAY: “I know a lot of people don’t want to listen to it but don’t take advice from people who don’t have kids. I had a real argument with a friend about it, she was hurt and said , “I feel like I can counsel because I’m a kid.” I make it seem like we’re all in a car, but we’re not all driving it. I’m blocking anything from someone who isn’t. experience motherhood. ”
EDIL: “For any new mom who may be in the same place as before, who I’m ashamed of their decision to stay home, I have my blog. Staying home mom stories that I’ve collected there to empower, enlighten, and, most importantly, make a mother less lonely. Don’t underestimate the power of self-love, stories, and community. “
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