Every year, I’m usually one of the 38.5% of the US population that sets New Year’s resolutions. with Things have been very chaotic for us in the last two weeks of last yearI didn’t even get around thought about resolutions, let alone writing anything. And then, because I got a late start on things for this year, I completely forgot about it.
But in the past few days, I thought of something that I want to focus on this year. Small sin.
I feel like I spent a lot of time last year feeling guilty — guilty that I didn’t get it the master bathroom finished fast, that’s guilty I haven’t done any more projects around the house, guilty when I’d rather sit and watch a movie than get up and work on something, guilty that I don’t cook a lot of food at home, guilty that I have junk sitting in front of us that balcony over a year now and never took the time to clean it, and the list goes on and on and on. I don’t know why, but I just let go of those feelings of guilt that I don’t have do more really converged on me.
So I was talking to a friend not too long ago, and she said she was thinking about my life, and how I was taking care of Matt (that’s my wheelchair-bound husband with MS), and I was doing projects in our house, and more. He said something to the effect of, “I was really hurt by what you did all! Literally, there is not a single piece of trash in this house if you don’t pick it up.”
I was really hurt. He is not wrong. Matt couldn’t help me with anything. He can’t cook, clean, take out the trash. He manages the budget and pays the bills, but everything else is on me.
- Not a single piece of trash can be removed from this house unless I pick it up.
- Not a single meal is cooked unless I cook.
- Not a single dish gets washed unless it’s me who cooks.
- Nothing can be driven away unless I drive it away.
- Not a single item of clothing can be washed unless I do the laundry.
- Not a single floor gets mopped unless it’s me mopping.
I could go on, but you get the point. Literally nothing gets done in this house unless I do it. No one comes to help (at least not on a regular basis, but my sweet Mom is always ready to help if I have a time crunch and need something to do). So if I don’t do things…everything…they are not finished.
I’m not saying all this to complain. I know there are many people, such as single mothers to young children, other people who find themselves on the roll of a spouse’s caregiver, etc., which is in the same position.
I say this because as we talked, and as he pointed these things out, and as I spent the next few days thinking about our conversation, something shifted in my mind. Instead of being filled with feelings of guilt for not doing more, that guilt seems to be a feeling of, “do you know I am doing well!”
No, things don’t always work out. Yes, sometimes the dirty dishes pile up a bit before I put them away. Yes, sometimes I keep getting ready to go somewhere because I can’t find clean clothes that I want to wear. 😀 But overall, I’m doing well. Usually, I don’t feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I’m keeping my head above water, and I have a lot of energy to keep walking.
So I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now – this new shift in thinking that feels free and guilt-free. In the meantime, I signed up for a new class at the church I went to. (I promise, this is relevant. 😀 ) My church does not have “Sunday school classes” like many churches. We have what we call Equipping Classes, and new classes are offered at the beginning of each new semester. (This is Waco, the home of Baylor University, so this schedule works for college students.) And each semester, new Complementary Classes are offered in new topics.
Well, I chose the type of equipment and signed up. And then I got an email with a link to a Google drive with a lot of documents in it and instructions on how to conduct the class. Each week, we are expected to read, answer some essay-type questions, and come to class prepared to discuss what we read and the answers to the questions.
I mean, there are pages and pages and pages. My first thought was, “Ummmm…did I enroll in a seminary course?! I don’t have time for a seminary course right now!” But the class was on a topic that really interested me, so I did real want to take the class.
My friend (the same friend from above) signed up for the same class, and he was also a little surprised at the amount of “homework” the class required. As we were talking about it, he said, “Well, do you think you have time for this?” And my response was like, “You know what? I’m only one person, and I only have so much time. I want to participate in class, so I’ll do what I can, not do what I can’t, and feel no guilt about it. And again, when I say that, there is something very freeing in that thinking.
So I’ve decided that this is my New Year’s resolution. My only New Year’s resolution. A new mindset for 2023.
I’m only one person, and I only have so much time. I’ll do what I can, not do what I can’t, and I won’t feel guilty about it. 😀
Now with that said, let’s see where I started in the home gym. I made a good start on cleaning this room over the weekend, but I still have a long way to go. And once you see these pictures, you’ll understand why it took so long to clean.
This is what the room looked like on Friday before I started…
This is how it looks after a year and a half of using this room as a storage and a work room for the products and projects that went into the master bathroom.
I’m sure that after that amount of time, about half of my tools made their way into this room, and added to the pile of tools in the corner. Going through all that and putting the tools where they belong is quite a task.
Then I have leftover materials (lots of walnut veneer!), cleaning products, leftover decorative items, lots of tools…
Lots of scraps, boxes, sawdust…
And then this group. Ugh…I don’t know what to do with this pile. Before 2020, I will throw most of them away. But now, with the cost of wood being so high, it is very difficult for me to dispose of any decent sized pieces of wood. But where in the world do I put it? I had a hard time thinking about that.
That’s why I don’t really have any “after” photos because I’m about halfway through cleaning the room.
But I do what I can with the time I have, and it gets done when it gets done. There is no sin. 🙂
Addicted 2 Decorating is where I share my DIY and decorating journey as I remodel and decorate the 1948 fixer upper that my husband, Matt, and I purchased in 2013. Matt has MS and is physically unable to work, so I did most of the work at home by myself. You can learn more about me here.
I hope you’ll join me on my DIY and decorating journey! If you want to follow my projects and progress, you can subscribe below and get every new post sent to your email inbox. That way you won’t miss a thing!