Early on in making my record, Terrible BastardI realized I had written a lot about fear and shame.
I thought I could paint a picture on a dark, “woe is me” sounding album, but in recent years I have become a firm believer that the best cure of these feeling can express it above and give light to it. .
I didn’t write the record to live, but to free myself from some of the embarrassment and fear I had felt for a long time. So, I hear a lot of music happily, because the experience of writing and recording it is completely the opposite of what is scary and embarrassing for me.
Two of the third, with a good idea of what the record was, I realized I was wandering around with one of the things that probably gave me the most fear and embarrassment. My HIV status. I have lived with HIV since the age of 17 and it has played into how I feel about myself, and how I think others have felt about me, from that age and into my adult life.
So, compulsively, I wrote it a song called “Hideous.” I think I can get it out of the world and it’s over. After playing the song to my mom, as protective and wise mom as she is, she gave me some of the best advice I have ever received. He suggested that I take the time to talk to the people in my life first. Even the people I haven’t told, or the people I’ve told but don’t want to talk about anymore. Since writing “Hideous,” I’ve spent the past two years having conversations, which have been difficult and uncomfortable to begin with, but have allowed me to feel more independent and have only strengthened my relationship with myself. and to the people in my life.
One of the most special relationships I have gained from this is Mr. Jimmy Somerville. I knew that “Laughter” I wanted a guardian angel to show me the song and sing me the words I needed to hear. Not only has Jimmy been a powerful voice on HIV and AIDS for decades, but the man literally looks like an angel. I contacted him as a complete fan boy, but now consider him a real good friend. He encouraged me to do the song for myself. She taught me that “glamor” is a Scottish word. And, most importantly, he reminded me not to take myself too seriously, there is no benefit from that!
“Am I serious?” seems like less of a question I ask in the world today. I know the answer. No matter how scary it is, I’m excited to share this music with you, and I hope you enjoy it. Lots of love, Oliver xx