For a stronger marriage, ask yourself, “What is my EQ?”
While your IQ is a measure of your intelligence, your EQ is a measure of your “emotional intelligence.”
That term was coined in 1995 by Daniel Goleman, who first used the concept of entrepreneurs and women. As he explains it, cognitive intelligence is the degree to which you are able to make healthy speaking choices in accordance with your understanding of how you feel and the people around you. The concept later spilled over into the business world in other arenas.
A good take on the concept of EQ within marriage comes from Drs. Dave and Jan Stoop. Before Dave died earlier in the year, he and Jan had been married for 63 years and led seminars and wedding retirement. They wrote a book simultaneously called An Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other.
Dave and Jan offer the acronym SMART for five aspects of the emotional intelligence of marriage:
- S – Self -awareness of how I feel
- M – Managing how I feel
- A – Accountability to my spouse and other couples
- R – Reading my partner’s feelings (AKA – Empathy)
- T – Be with the ground of feeling
We repeat our conversation with Dave and Jan in our Family Broadcast Focus that “Understanding Your Spouse’s Emotions. ”From newlyweds to those celebrating their diamond anniversary, Stoops can help couples improve their EQ and deepen their love for each other.
Dave Endop is the mediator and director of the Center for Family Therapy. Jan Stoop is also a counselor. An Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other available for a gift of any amount. Visit our website or call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).