Want to raise confident, happy children? Do these 4 things

“Happiness comes in many forms, and we want our children to have skills that give them self-confidence,” said Eva Moskowitz, Ph.D.CEO of the charter school system Success Academy and author of A+ Parenting: The Amazingly Fun Guide to Raising Amazingly Smart Kids.

“In a highly scheduled and chaotic world with so many outside events happening all the time, we tend to forget that intellectual engagement is actually an important part of a child's happiness and confidence,” she said. said Moskowitz. luck.

The teacher and mother of three children evaluates how to raise and encourage the children to be their own most confidenthappy self.

Push kids beyond what's 'easy'

Often, parents and teachers believe that self-confidence grows by having children do tasks that are easy to achieve, Moskowitz said. In his experience, however, that doesn't happen.

“Self-confidence comes when kids work through a struggle—when they're given a tough math problem or given a tough opponent,” she said. “When they're given a difficult learning task and they make it on the other side, that builds confidence. And we take that away from kids at our own peril and, frankly, at their own peril.” danger.”

In a world of instant gratification, it's easy to get fed up if we don't succeed right away. But success and self-confidence come from navigating and recovering from failure, Moskowitz said. Plus, it feels good to finally achieve something you've been working towards.

“I think we've lost a little sense that the most successful people have failed before,” he said.

Sports and clubs can teach some skills better than the classroom

After-school activities such as sports, theater, debate teams, and other clubs play an important role in creating what Moskowitz calls “intellectually active” children—intellectually stimulated, energized, and challenged—who boosts confidence and happiness.

“The idea of ​​recovering from failure and the need for resilience is sometimes easier to teach on the field of sports or other team activities than in a classroom,” he said. “Have self-confidence; you get that in theater and on the debate team in a way that's harder to develop in, say, English or math class.”

Moskowitz is concerned, however, about the barriers that make it difficult for children to have these experiences. For example, economic factors may make it difficult for some children to participate in after-school activities they might enjoy, such as sports that require payment or the purchase of equipment to play.

Teach coping mechanisms for anxiety and stress

School, home life, friendshipsextracurriculars, and even things like looks and crushes are factors that all weigh heavily on children of all ages, leading to stress and ANXIETY.

Childhood anxiety disorders affects one in eight children and nearly one in four teenagers, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Anxiety can lower self-esteem, but a little bit of it is actually normal and healthy, Moskowitz says: “It's a bit of a Goldilocks theory.”

Every child responds differently to stressors, so it is it is important that you adapt to your child's behavior and how they respond to academic difficulty or their social environment, Moskowitz said.

“Most children learn to cope with stress,” she said. “You can't protect them completely from the push of the outside world, whether that's economic pressures or any number of influences in their lives or, frankly, world events.”

He added, “We really are debt to our children to treat them to navigate those stressors and to talk to them about how they feel and how to cope with those feelings.”

To help the child with anxietytry teaching them to 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding method—or a version of I'm a spy. Ask them to identify five things they can see, four things they can touch, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste. It helps engage their senses and calm their nerves. This method can be useful at any age.

When a child has the tools to strengthen themselves and knows how to talk about how they feel, they can be confident in their ability to deal with stress and anxiety.

Parents: Enjoy being a parent

It's easy to get caught up in the hullabaloo parenthood: messy school breaks, overtired kids (and yourself), a million and one things on a never-ending to-do list. But kids sense when you're stressed too.

“If you impose your parenting worries and stress on your children, they will not enjoy childhood as much as they could and you will not. parenthood“said Moskowitz. “And it's very important that a child knows them enjoy being a parentwhen wilderness parents.”

Watch movies and TV shows with your kids on it you really enjoy the game you love to play, he said. Do these things to not only bond with each other but also ensure that you are happy as well.

“There's a model of parenting that's about self-sacrifice, and you can take all the joy out of parenting if you're not careful,” says Moskowitz. “And that has a negative effect on your children.”

For more parenting tips:

Subscribe to Well Fit, our newsletter full of simple strategies to work smarter and live better, from the Fortune Well team. Sign up free today.